I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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