Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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