she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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