like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
