If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
