Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
