You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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