When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
