sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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