My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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