It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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