Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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