I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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