If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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