I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
