I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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