I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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