He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
