Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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