This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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