Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
