you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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