This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
