Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize