yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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