I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
