i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
be right there i have to get my cape
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Two words: nipple clamps
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