he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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