WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So much Jack, so little girl.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
