Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
