i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
