so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
