His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
