I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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