Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize