Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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