Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
