listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
