i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
