We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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