Nicole vs. Life
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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