I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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