just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
