would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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