i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
