Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I forget how to act sober
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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