Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
