omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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