I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
