Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
