I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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