Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are the jesus of drinking
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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