She is in my trunk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize