no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
