no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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