EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
