smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
