drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
