'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
