A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
