giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
