We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
