It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
