It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
