sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
