The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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