you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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