Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
