Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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