Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
