You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
