Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
